What if . . . ?

Roger Lynn is an experiential mystic – lover of life – photographer – flute player – poet – hiker – hot spring soaker – expresser of gratitude – blessed beyond the capacity of words to express. He currently lives in Boulder, CO.

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What if the point is simply to remember who I am – really, truly, deep down, through and through? Maybe that is why I am here. Maybe that is why we are all here. There are those occasions, usually fleeting, but very real nonetheless, when I catch at least a glimpse of my profoundly beautiful, powerful, sacred self. And oh what a gift it is when that light comes shining through. But then I forget. Over and over again I forget. I wander around feeling lost. I know that there is something more – something I’m missing. Except when I don’t even know that much and I just stumble along in the dark thinking that’s just the way it is. 

Usually, when I ponder all of this, in whatever manner I manage to ponder in any given moment, I tend to label the remembering as “good” and the forgetting as “bad.” I want more of the remembering, and I try to avoid the forgetting. But then yesterday, in a really delightful and expansive conversation with a wonderful friend, a new thought showed up. What if all of it – the remembering AND the forgetting – is simply what is, and ALL of it is gift? What if the forgetting is the gift that opens the door to a fresh remembering? If I never forgot, then I would never have that delicious experience of remembering again in some fresh, new, expansive way. How often have I beat myself up for forgetting who I am? When I label the forgetting as “bad” – something I need to avoid – then it is oh so easy to fall into the trap of labeling myself as “bad” because I keep doing this thing that I’m “supposed” to be avoiding. There must be something wrong with me! But what if forgetting and remembering are both parts of what it is to be human – two sides of the same coin? What If the point is not simply to remember, but to simply be who I am? And sometimes who I am involves remembering. And sometimes who I am involves forgetting. Either way I am always who I am, because it is not possible for me to be anyone or anything else. And the more deeply I can learn to be gentle with myself, in every moment and every experience, the more expansive my awareness becomes. Beating myself up and feeling bad about who I am only shuts me down and cuts me off from the gift of enjoying and sharing my profoundly beautiful, powerful, sacred self. And it also cuts me off from experiencing the gift of receiving the beautiful, powerful, sacred presence of those who share this life with me. 

So in this moment, as I bask in the warm glow of awareness, I will step once again into the great Mystery of embracing this amazing gift of being who I am, alive and present in the eternal NOW.  



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