Polishing My Heart

Roger Lynn is an experiential mystic – lover of life – photographer – flute player – poet – hiker – hot spring soaker – expresser of gratitude – blessed beyond the capacity of words to express. He currently lives in Boulder, CO.

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A couple of nights ago I went to a potluck where several old friends were gathered. I haven’t seen them in several years, and most of them didn’t know I would be there. Every one of them was surprised and delighted to see me. And I was startled by their response. I know it’s just a story in my head (a very old story), and I know it’s not the truth, but somehow I still have trouble remembering and believing that I matter. But I think that maybe (just maybe) it is beginning to sink in. It seems as if the Universe might be increasing the volume on the wake up call, because the potluck incident was not the first such episode in recent days. About a week and a half ago, on the last night of the Dance Camp where I was regularly getting blissed out, we were singing a song with the phrase “Estoferallah”, which in the tradition of the Dances is a petition for God to polish our hearts so that they once again shine. Part way through the Dance it hit me that God was polishing my heart because my heart is worth polishing. I am worth having my heart polished. The story in my head might try to tell me something different, but that story is simply not true. It is a lie. If God thinks my heart is worth polishing, then it is profoundly unhelpful for me to say otherwise. And I have been doing just that for far too long. Believing the story in my head that I am not worthy has cut me off from my own true self, and has inhibited my capacity to allow for deep connection with other people and with Sacred Presence. And it is time (and way past time) for that to stop. Perhaps I can begin to trust that just being who I am is enough. Even just the possibility that such a shift in my self-perception could occur seems worth celebrating. What if today is the day I began to really let myself shine? I think I’m finally ready to find out.



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