Fifteen years ago today (March 7th), early on a Sunday morning, my beloved wife (Veronica) left her body behind and set off for new adventures on another plane of existence. In that moment, as I stood there hugging her two beautiful daughters, my world turned upside down and all of the color drained out. I sent her off with the blessing “Peace! Love! Light!”, and in a brief but overwhelmingly powerful vision a few months later she assured me that such was, indeed, what she found. In the years since then I have grown and learned and blossomed and healed in ways I could not possibly have imagined in that moment. And always I have carried her with me.

Carrie Newcomer wrote a song (Before and After) which contains these words,
“We live our lives from then until now,
By the mercy received and the marks on our brow.
To my heart I’ll collect what the four winds will scatter
And frame my life by before and after.”
I heard that song for the first time on the morning after Veronica died, and I instantly knew that it was describing a profound truth. And now, as I stand here looking back over the past fifteen years, I recognize that there have been other “before and after” moments, and more will surely follow as well. But this one stands out. It shook me to my core and marked me in a way that has forever transformed the manner in which I walk through this world. The grief will remain with me always, because that is the way of such things. But I wouldn’t want it any other way. Its ongoing lessons continue to shape me, and in working its magic it has now infused my life with gratitude and joy beyond all imagining. 

To my family and friends I offer my deepest of all possible gratitude. You held me and supported me when I was broken, and you continue to do so even now. In ways which go beyond mere metaphor, I believe that you saved my life. And oh what a life it has been – so full of love and beauty, joy and laughter, grief and tears, singing and dancing, lessons learned and forgotten and learned again. My family has grown. My circle of friends has expanded. My sense of who I am in the world has finally begun to break free and spread its wings! I am learning to soar!

Fifteen years ago feels now like several lifetimes. And it feels as fresh as yesterday. I am grateful beyond words for all of it. The best is yet to come!