Today Facebook reminded me of something I posted 12 years ago –

Sometimes, even after almost seven months, my heart still has a hard time coming to terms with the reality of Veronica’s death. This morning I was thinking about one of the countless wonderful experiences we shared when I was suddenly aware that her absence from my life and from the world simply didn’t make any sense. I don’t have good words to describe the feeling, but for just a moment is seemed as if I just needed to wake up from a bad dream. 

I find myself wondering if this will go on forever. Probably not, but perhaps. At some level I don’t ever really want to “get used to” her absence. This business of learning to live in this new reality really is such a strange experience. The adventure continues . . . one breath, one step, one moment at a time.

It is interesting to look back from this vantage point in time. It feels so long ago (several life times at least) and yet like only yesterday. It does, indeed, go on forever, but not at that level of intensity, nor in the ways I feared it might. And I am quite confident that I will never “get used to it”, but I have (mostly) managed to integrate it into the whole of my life. Her presence in my life remains a treasured gift, and her absence reminds me to cherish every moment, every breath. I am deeply aware that I am, in fact, blessed beyond measure.